“And If That Rocking Chair Don’t Rock / Daddy’s Going To Buy Me Whatever I Want”

“Hi, my name is Lily. Here’s a video of Fiver and I wondering why my daddy keeps singing about a blummin’ rocking chair. My mum says it takes him a while but he usually gets the hint after a few months, the silly old sausage. Daddy? Two words. Diamond. Ring. Boopy-doop!”

My Silly Daddy

“Hi, I’m Lily. My daddy calls my ‘Lilyput’ but I call him ‘Sillyput’ because he can’t understand a word I say. Here he is trying to have a conversation with me and all I want to tell him is to go away and have a shave, because it tickles when he tries to kiss me. Daddy? HAVE A SHAVE, YOU BIG SILLYPUT! Boopy-doop!”

My Latest Pics: The Blummin’ Paparazzi

“Hi, I’m Lily. Those blummin’ paparazzi, eh? Always trying to get my Mum into the shot with some arty reflection in a wonky mirror …


“ … but I like it a lot better when it’s just me. Sorry, mum. Boopy-doop!”

My Latest Pics

“Hi, my name is Lily. Sometimes I pretend to ignore my little cousin Eva, because whenever she’s around people think she’s cute ‘n’ lovely too …


“ … and whenever they do, I have to put on my little hat to remind everyone that I’m the bonnet baby of the family now. Ooops, I mean bonny baby …


“Anyway, it doesn’t really matter, because my daddy says that ‘Lovely is as lovely does.’ The silly old sausage. Dads, eh? Sometimes I just have to laugh … Boopy-doop!”

My Latest Pics

“Hi, I’m Lily. Y’know, sometimes there’s days when a girl’s just not in the mood for the blummin’ paparazzi …


“… Oh, go on then, just a quick one. Boopy-yawn-doop.”

“I Am NOT An Amazing Muppaphone!”

“Hi, my name is Lily. My daddy is a silly old sausage, because he sometimes calls me his little Muppaphone …


… but I don’t look anything like the li’l guy second from right, below. Do I? Erm, boopy-doop.”

My Dad And Me, Sort Of

“Hi, my name is Lily. If you’re wondering why I have this expression my face …


“ … it’s because my mum has just shown me this picture of my dad when he was a little boy. See if you can’t guess which one he is. Here’s a hint: he’s not the one wearing short trousers. Boopy-doop!”

My Mum And Me

“Hi. My name is Lily. Here’s a pic of me and my mum trying to decide who’s the fairest in all the land. I think it’s my mum but she thinks it’s me. I think we’re both right, because I secretly think it’s really me. Boopy-doop!”

My New Video

“Hi, my name is Lily. Here’s my latest video, which is me and my mum having a nice little chat about what a rubbish singer my daddy is. Boopy-doop!”

What Lilyput Did Next # 204: Tiger, Tiger, Burning Bright …

A Minister for Propaganda Elf writes: Herewith, and by popular demand (or least the occasional demand from Granny Viz, Ms Witch and Princess Witch) be the Princess Lilyput’s latest outing, this time playing with the disturbingly psychedelic Tiger-Lily, who may or may not be prompted to join the general revelry by the Grand Viz (just out of picture). Those with a delicate sensibility be warned: all goes swimmingly until the last third or so, when Lilyput appears to be afflicted by what might politely be described as ‘nappy issues’. Roll it there, Collette …

What Lilyput Did Next: The Peachy Pumpkin Dumplin’ Interlude

A Minister for Propaganda Elf writes: Princess Lilyput made her debut at the renowned beauty spot Glendalough yesterday, with the Grand Vizier among her entourage on pack-mule duties, there to be serenaded (see above) with the latest ditty to be penned by CAP Towers’ resident Composer Elf, ‘Peachy Pumpkin Dumplin’’. Sung to the tune of ‘She’ll Be Comin’ Round the Mountain’, the lyrics runneth thusly:

Peachy Pumpkin Dumplin’
“You’re a peachy pumpkin dumplin’ / Yes you are /
You’re a peachy pumpkin dumplin’ / Yes you are /
You’re a peachy pumpkin dumplin’ / A peachy pumpkin dumplin’ /
You’re a peachy pumpkin’ dumplin’ / Boopy-doop!”
(© Composer Elf, 2008)

The Princess is partial to ye olde ‘boopy-doops’, see …

What Lilyput Did Next # 203

A Minister for Propaganda Elf writes: Princess Lilyput has become a very popular girl indeed ever since her video debuted on the interweb, making the acquaintance of a veritable zoo of little friends. Here’s Lilyput with her pink-spotted tiger, Tiger-Lily (natch) …



… and Sheepy the Lamb, who appears to be suffering, sadly, from a rare form of Mauve Disease …



… and the Grand Vizier’s favourite, Fiver the Rabbit, with whom Lilyput appears to be well pleased, to put it mildly.

Princess Lilyput: The All-Singing, All-Dancing Debut Video

In which Princess Lilyput does damn all, to be perfectly frank, apart from gurgle, pootle, break a couple of windy smiles and generally come the li’l diva in the wake of a tiny but perfectly formed and surprisingly ladylike barf (David Attenborough-style commentary by Mrs Vizier). She may (or may not) also be trying to telepathically communicate with Granny and Grandad Vizier, to let them know the red carpet will be required when she arrives in Sligo for the very first time on Friday. Oh, and Granny Viz? That picture you were looking for can be found by clicking here. Roll it there, Collette ...

My First Book

In which Princess Lilyput, having read THE BIG O in one sitting, and deciding it was sadly lacking in substance and utterly derivative in style, moves on to something a little more demanding: high-contrast pictures of cows, sheep and ducks. Still, just so long as she’s reading, eh?

Welcome To Lilyput: # 2

It’s still Lilyput’s world. We still don’t mind …

Welcome To Lilyput

It’s Princess Lily’s world. Mr and Mrs Grand Vizier just live there …