My Story About The Wilde Woode

“Hi, my name is Lily. Once upon a time, on Christmas Eve, a young princess decided to go exploring in the Wilde Woode with her tongue stuck out at any trolls or big bad wolves that might have been lurking in the undergrowth.”


“The wood really should have been deep and dark and spooky, but actually it was a really nice day to go for a walk. Mild and calm, with barely a breeze to ruffle the stream.”


“At one point there was even some sunshine. It only lasted for a minute or two, but even that much was enough to frighten off any trolls or big bad wolves that might have been lurking in the undergrowth.”


“In fact, it was so lovely in the Wilde Woode that the young princess decided she didn’t have to wait until the end of the story to have a happy ever after. Instead she’d just be happy now.”


“Then the young princess came to a lovely cottage in a glade. She remembered what her mother, Queen Sillyput, had told her. ‘Never go into pretty cottages in the Wilde Woode,’ she’d said, ‘because nothing ever scary happens in them and you’ll only get bored and dirty poking around. Far better to go and see the horsies instead, my love.’”


“So the young princess went to see the horses, and made a mental note to remind her mother that, while you could have ponies, or horses, there was no such thing as horsies.”


“Then the young princess decided she was tired and wanted to go home for a nap. ‘Home, Sillyput,’ she cried, ‘and spare not the horses.’ That’s Mrs Mouse in the coach beside the young princess, by the way. She’s the princess’s best friend. Or one of them, anyway. A princess can’t have enough best friends … but that’s another story for another day. Boopy-doop!”

The Princess’s Christmas Speech

“Hi, my name is Lily. Golly-gosh, but Christmas is a busy time for a princess. We had a party in my Uncle Pete’s and Auntie Ciara’s house at the weekend, so I wore my special Christmas dress. Don’t I look lovely, Uncle Pete?”


“Auntie Fi came along too. Which was nice of her, because she lives in the South Pacific. I don’t know where that is, but I think it’s a long, long way away. I think it’s past Dublin!”


“Anyhoos, be quiet in the cheap seats, because it’s time for Lilyput’s Christmas Speech. Well, if the Queen and the Pope get to make a speech, why not a princess? Let me see, what should I say? Well, it was an annus mirabilis for me this year, because I was born, and that’s always good. I got lumbered with the Sillyputs, unfortunately, but then you can’t have everything, and I’ll be leaving home in another 18 years or so. Hurrah! In the meantime, I hope everyone has a lovely Christmas and a happy New Year, and don’t forget – keep booping around, folks! Merry Boopmas!”

The Sanity Clause

“Hi, my name is Lily. Today Sanity Clause came to visit my Palace. I hadn’t met this Sanity Clause chap before but everyone seemed to think he was important, so I put on my lovely winter party coat for the occasion. A princess should always dress properly for her functions, don’t you think?”


“So here we are at my Palace. This is where all my friends live, and it’s much more fun than Sillyput Towers. But the Sillyputs keep taking me away from the Palace. Shouldn’t there be a law whereby the princess can live at the Palace if she likes?”


“Anyhoos, Sanity Clause finally arrived. He said, ‘Ho-ho-ho!’ He said that a lot. In fact, for such an important man, Sanity seems to have a very limited vocabulary. Maybe he should go to Princess School for a week or two. Still, he was very nice. I like his beard. It’s very pulloffhisfaceable. And yes, that is a word. I should know. I’m a princess.”


“Then Ol’ Sillyput started saying, ‘Ho-ho-ho!’ He really is such a boopster. Apparently he was out on the razz last night. I wouldn’t like that razz stuff. If Ol’ Sillyput was anything to go by this morning, it makes you look and sound like you’ve eaten a sick elephant. Thank golly-gosh Mum has more sense than Ol’ Sillyput. I like Sanity’s little reindeer too, down there in the corner of the picture. He’s stronger than he looks if he can pull Sanity’s sleigh!”


“Golly-goshters, thanks for the present, Sanity! Now I see what all the fuss is about. And now for the ultimate test of a present – the taste test. Mmmm, yes, that’s a very chewable present, Sanity! Ho-ho-boop!”

My New Red Sponge Booties Call

“Yo, my name be Lily. Today I be showin’ y’all my new boo-tays. They be da funkiest red sponge boo-tays upside this here town, dig it.”


“I say they be red, y’all. Red sponge boo-tays. I gots me some lyric go with da boo-tays, say goes like this: I gots the boo-tays / They bounc-ay, they sponge / I says I gots the boo-tays / They red, not orunge. Hoo! Jump back!”


“Anyhoos, I think I just kick back upside my crib Lily-style and make some funky moves with da boo-tays. Maybe even chew on da spoon all wicked-like. ’Cos I can. Don’t step too close, ya’ll. Like da man say, you can do anything but lay offa my red sponge boo-tays. Increase the peace. Boopy-doop and out.”

My Lovely Thrones

“Hi, my name is Lily. Y’know, just yesterday I was thinking about all the lovely princess thrones I have. This is my couch throne, where I like to do all my serious thinking.”


“Sometimes I think harder than other times. Ol Sillyput thinks that when I’m thinking really hard I’m asleep. What a boopster he is. Yesterday he said, ‘I’ve just had a thought.’ I said, ‘I hope it didn’t cry because it was lonely.’ Zing!!!”


“Anyhoos, here’s my bouncer throne. Hurrah for bouncer thrones!”


“And here’s my high-chair throne. That’s where the Boopsters put me before they break out the old dish and spoon. Golly-gosh, I like being a princess.”


“And this is my buggy throne, which is where the Boopsters put me before I go for my lovely walks. I always think a princess needs a little pink in her cheeks, don’t you?”


“And this is my – whoa, who let him in? Is he a teddy-bear?”


“Ah, that’s better – that’s my changing-room throne, and that’s a real teddy-bear. I call him Sleepy Bear. I love him. He goes into his little square cave for three minutes before I go to bed, and when the cave ‘tings!’ he comes out fluffy and warm and smelling of lavender. Yes, of course I know what lavender smells like – princesses are very advanced like that. Anyhoos, Sillyput gets a droolie when he says that Sleepy Bear hibernates, which is like being in a sleep-coma for three months. I said, ‘Is that anything like being a boopster?’ Zing!!!”


“This is my car-seat throne. I like to do some serious thinking in the car, too. It blocks out Sillyput’s singing.”


“Anyhoos, that’s the end of my thrones. Golly-gosh, that was a busy day. Maybe I’ll just stretch out here for a minute on the Sillyput throne. I like it because it’s comfy and warm and I can have a good, serious think while I’m there … boopy-zzzzzzzzz-doop ...”