The Queen of the Universe

“Hi, my name is Lily. Does anyone mind if ask a question? Ooops, I already did … No, really – If I’m the Princess Lilyput, can anyone tell me who the Queen of the Universe is?”


“Ha! That was a trick question. I bet you thought that Princess Lilyput of Lilyput couldn’t be Queen of the Universe too! And I don’t even know what a ‘universe’ is yet! Golly-gosh, I’m so precocious. Boopy-doop!”

My Lovely Dollies

“Hi, my name is Lily. Golly-gosh, but there’s nothing better than a Sunday afternoon spent playing with your dollies, is there? Come on, girls – let’s play ‘Who’s the fairest of them all?’”


“Golly-gosh, but those dollies are so jealous. Not a word out of them all afternoon. Hi, Lovely Mum – let’s play ‘Who’s the fairest of them all?’ And no cheating with that fake smile, Mum – let Daddy decide for himself. Boopy-doop!”

All I Wanted For Christmas …

“Hi, my name is Lily. With all the fusspottery going on last week, I didn’t get to tell you my big news – I got my second front tooth for Christmas. Hurray for not being a snaggletooth anymore! Ol’ Sillyput says I’ll soon have to get a toothbrush. He really is such a boopster. Hello? Hair doesn’t grow on teeth, Sillyput. Zing!”


“Anyhoos, it’s lovely to be back home with all my cuddly friends. I had Sleepy Bear with me in the hospital, but I missed all my other cuddles too. A little girl can’t have enough cuddles, even if she is a princess.”


“Hmmm … Now, let me see. Where’s my favourite cuddly friend …?”


“There she is! Hi, Lovely Mum. Can I have a cuddle, please? Thanks. Oh, hold on – here’s Ol’ Sillyput with the blummin’ camera. Say boopy-doop!”

My Lovely Time In The Hospital

“Hi, my name is Lily. If you ask me, the worst thing about being in hospital is having to take a bath in the blummin’ sink. I mean, what way is that to treat a princess?”


“Anyhoos, Ol’ Sillyput says everyone was worried about me, and sent lovely messages hoping that I get better soon. Well, I’m better now, and I’m going home on Monday, so thanks everyone!”


“I wish I could say the same about Ol’ Sillyput. If anyone needs a hospital right now it’s Sillyput – a haircut hospital! Maybe I’ll give him a cuddle and see if he feels a bit better after that … Mmmm, boopy-zzzz-doop.”

Can I Have A Hug, Please?

“Hi, my name is (cough) Lily. I’m a bit of a sick little girl right now (cough) because I have new-monia. Golly-gosh, if this is what new-monia is like, I’d hate to have the old stuff. Anyhoos, I’d like to say thank you to all the lovely people at the Children’s Hospital in Tallaght for helping me to get well. And thanks to my Auntie Jane too, because she was brilliant. As for the Ol’ Sillyputs – they’re sacked, the useless boopsters. Can I be adopted by my Auntie Jane, please? Boopy-cough-doop.”

Exercise Is Good For You

“Hi, my name is Lily. Today my Lovely Mum and I did some exercise together. Here we are exercising our cheek muscles with fake smiles. Say cheese!”


“Now to lift some dumb-bells. Daddy? Where are you? Lovely Mum says we’re supposed to lift you.”


“Oh, those dumb-bells. Golly-gosh, this exercise is easy. I can lift the dumb-bell with my ankle.”


“Okay, Lovely Mum – now for some serious fun. I like to call this one the Stomach-Crunch Giddy-Up.”


“Hurrah for Stomach-Crunch Giddy-Ups! Come on, Lovely Mum – only another 99 to go. Boopy-doop!”

My Lovely Christmas Day

“Hi, my name is Lily. Golly-gosh, but Christmas is a busy time for a little princess. The Sillyputs had me up at all hours on Christmas morning, just so they could see me on the rocking-caterpillar Sanity Clause brought me. Y’know, I wish I could look as fresh and happy as my Mum does that early in the morning. Oh well, I guess she has learned to cope with that whole crack-of-dawn poopy-nappy thing better than I have.”


“I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I’m really not sure about this rocking-caterpillar malarkey. Like, do caterpillars even rock? Erm, Sanity Clause? What’s so wrong with a traditional rocking-horse?”


“Anyhoos, off we went to Granny B’s house for more presents. That’s my cousins Conor and Eva right there under the glass of bubbly Granny B is waving around. Golly-gosh, I hope I don’t get anymore Dom P in my hair. Oi, Granny B – a princess is supposed to bathe in asses’ milk, not blummin’ frizzy.”


“Hmmmm, maybe there’s an umbrella in this bag. By the way, do you like my dress? Ol’ Sillyput brought it back from New York. Which is marvellous-ish. Sillyput? Next time, bring me to New York and I’ll pick my own dress. Okay?”


“The next day the Sillyputs took me for a walk in Greystones, and I had my first ever go on a swing. Gosh, it was fun! I always thought it’d be a little bit different, because of the way my Mum says to my Dad, “Declan, I swear I’ll swing for you one of these days!” But that’s the Sillyputs for you. Anyhoos, wheeeeeeeee! Boopy-doop.”